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i don't care.
 
Nerf [23 Aug 2002|11:55am]

Did I run away and hide? In a way, I sorta did. Do I give a fuck? No.

Cheri; You ripped the fun out of everything there for a minute. Thank you, really, for ridding me of my "AO-DRAMA" that seemed to be the spawning from you.

care.
 
This is it. [13 Aug 2002|06:38pm]

I'm fucked. My life has come crashing down around me, and yes I'm admitting it. At this moment I'm on my dad's-girlfriend's daughter's computer in PHX, they're all out doing their own fucking shit to leave me alone. Word is in that my mother wants to get married to her boyfriend, they've both been talking about it now for a few months, I just never cared. Worst comes to worst I'll be moving in with my dad again, but hopefully my Aunt A will take me in under her wing -- I couldn't bear leaving Redding -- It's been my first real home in my entire lifetime.

Jellow if you're reading this -- Happy Birthday. I wrote you a letter, though short -- still a letter ... now all I need is your address.

Cheri if you're reading this -- I miss you a lot deeper than you'll ever believe.

Dusty -- I love you. <3

Jon, although you're prolly NOT reading this -- I love you too, Jon .. you're one of the best things that could have ever happened to me, although sometimes I think you're the weirdest fuck on the face of the planet. <3

i don't care.
 
Great. [07 Aug 2002|08:07am]

I'm leaving for PHX in a few hours, just to let you people who read my journal know. Jellow, if I miss it because my computer's being a bitch --

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

loves and kisses. o_o

i don't care.
 
Crap that needs to be done ... [05 Aug 2002|02:24pm]
LIVEjournal ---

- Make layout for umm_no.
- Make layout for downonfaith.
- Make layout for warmthremoved.
- Make layout for imitatedempathy.
- Make icons for umm_no.
- Make icons for downonfaith.
- Make icons for warmthremoved.


Brain Fluffs ---

- Draw jellow.
- Re-Draw Michael.
- Re-Draw Kyle.
- Re-Draw Adam.
- Detail Chezaray.


Personal Crap ---

- Confess to Stefan.
- Re-Read Blood and Chocolate.
- Finish editing/writing this.
- Start Bass Guitar lessons.
- Get jellow a present.
- Get a new backpack.
- Find a Union Jack patch.

care.
 
Yes, I'm oDD. [04 Aug 2002|08:29pm]
Har-De-Har-Har-Har. The Fairy of DEATH got new BOOTS!


Check 'em out.Collapse )

i don't care.
 
Stefan + Dusty = A TIE. [01 Aug 2002|08:03pm]
Yes, yes ... My wittle mind is confused, as usual. I love Stefan but I love my Dusty too! <33

<3 - Dusty - MUWAH! -kishes.-
<3 - Stefan - ouu. -squeeze.-
<3 - Jellow - I'm still gunna marry you. o_o
<3 - Cheri - LOL, I'ma marry you too! >D
<3 - Jon - Jon, hun, dun worry, I heart you too.
<3 - Mike - Stuppi-head. u_u
<3 - Cetta - ;x;x KINKY!
<3 - Kat - CHESHIRE KITTY!
<3 - Nicole - Thanks for the advice, hun!

care.
 
Ha. [01 Aug 2002|11:36am]

I got bored, as usual. My little bout of depression has been set aside for a few moments simply so I can laugh at what I've done. I stole a survey from my ex (itsmyfault). Enjoy.

Survey?Collapse )

i don't care.
 
Death; the easy way out. [01 Aug 2002|01:01am]

Yes, I know that this entry is going to make my journal another "oh woe is me," but hey, it's mine and all of you can go to hell.

Suicide (Noun)
The act or an instance of intentionally killing oneself.

Ahh, yes, killing oneself. Sometimes deep inside I wish that it were all over, that my life were simply ended -- yet at the same time I dread it. I fear getting into a car, afraid that it might crash. I fear of getting on an airplane, afraid that it might plumit into a body of water. I fear the "safety" of my room, for it is not safe at all. I fear myself, my actions .. I fear my lost dreams.

No matter how badly I may want myself dead I know that I infact cannot kill myself, I can only wish for someone to do it for me.

Deep inside I know that I may not live past twenty-one, for all my hopes and dreams can go no further than the age of eighteen.

One true boyfriend in my entire lifetime, two infatuations and something so deep I could kill myself for not telling him.

"You need help." "You need professional help." "You need to listen to happy music." "You need to wear more colors." "You need to speak up."

All my life I've been abused.

My father, mental, verbal, physical.
My mother, mental and physical.
My aunt a, mental.
My grandparents, mental and verbal.
My cousins hardly even know who I am.

I want to curl up and fade away. It's been so long since I've been able to feel one pair of actual loving arms wrapped around me so tightly that all my worries just drifted away .. it's been so long since I've heard a voice so soothing, so sweet, so carefree that my life seems entirely brighter.. It's been so long that it felt like it was never there in the first place.

i don't care.
 
Birthday's suck. [31 Jul 2002|02:25pm]

Yes, yes .. Today's my wonderful, spectacular, Sixteenth birthday. The highlight? Minor surgery this morning at eleven. Life sucks, period, end of story. Okay?

My Father called, Mom sent me flowers, my Aunt nearly killed me with her hugs, and I have yet to see what my three year old cousin and my Uncle surprise me with.

With luck I'll be leaving New Jersey on the 7th and head back to my Dad's house for a week -- then go back home. That means that there's only fifteen/sixteen days left until I have to admit to Stefan that I'm basically "hopelessly in-love" with him.

Stefan's got a girlfriend, so I'm fucked anyways. If I tell him, I get it out in the open and that's it -- unless he actually takes my words into consideration, figures out that what I feel is actually deeper than just some stupid little lust and dump his girlfriend. ( Which I HIGHLY doubt he'll do -- I know him too well ... )

So .. it's back to depression for dearest little Deceit -- Sweet Sixteen turned out to be a fucking hoax.

Happy Birthday J.K. Rowling, Happy Birthday Harry Potter -- I hope your days turn out better than mine.

care.
 
First thing that comes to mind? [27 Jul 2002|02:53pm]

Stefan and I decided to play a game last night -- although it sorta sprouted out of no where. I IMed him with the word "soup" and it just went on from there ...


What's on your mind?Collapse )

care.
 
jon is such a cutie! <3 [27 Jul 2002|11:32am]
Jon: we're all alone in this world
Jon: its just you and me

ISN'T HE CUTE?! I think so atleast.

i don't care.
 
Fuck it. [20 Jul 2002|02:06am]

I realized something today. Cheri's right no matter how much I think she's not. Sometimes, I guess.. I need to learn to stop and listen. I don't listen very well, apparently..

For a moment I thought we were drifting apart but in reality she was really still there, sticking, and so was I .. or so I can only hope. I don't know what I'd do without Jon, Cheri, Jellow, Cetta or Stefan anymore .. without them my life would be entirely meaningless.

I'm going to lay down, maybe puke.. get some sleep for sure. I love you guys.

<33333

care.
 
Leo and Pisces? Tonya and Stefan? [19 Jul 2002|05:04pm]

When Leo and Pisces join together in a love match, each partner enjoys the new perspective the other brings to life in general. Leo is a strong and assertive Sign, being free to do what they want and taking command of their surroundings. Pisces is quieter and more reserved and introspective. In many ways the two are polar opposites, yet both are dreamers at heart. When they care for one another, they each fill the other's voids and have a caring, mutually beneficial relationship.

Leo is a natural leader and in a relationship with Pisces often becomes the guardian of their weaker partner. Pisces, in turn, gives Leo the audience they need for their ambitions and social performances. Pisces is a Sign that, like Water, fills whatever container it is poured into. Pisces tends to give themselves over to their love match; a kind heart allows The Fish to know Leo in a way that many other Signs don't. Leo's straight forwardness coupled with that doesn't pass into conceit -- the way Leo alone might act -- and isn't overly shy, like Pisces alone may be.

Leo is ruled by The Sun and Pisces is ruled by the Planet Jupiter. Pisces is also ruled by Neptune. The Sun gives out light, life and a focus on the Self to the Leo-Pisces relationship. Neptune is about big pictures, ideas and illusions; but it's also involved with disillusion and fantasy. Leo can help Pisces turn fantasies into realities. Neptune works through Pisces by softening Leo's sometimes self-centered and abrupt actions, channeling their energy into a more creative and fruitful outlet.

i don't care.
 
AOL People suck donkeys! [18 Jul 2002|07:40pm]

Okay, so once again I was talking to Cheri and I was on a total fucking nut-case kick. I'm on a sugar rush, I don't know how .. I mean, the only sugar I've had in the past hour is like in gum. Anyways! READ THE LOG. It's fucking hillarious .. if you can understand it.

DeR! You're on CRACK!Collapse )

i don't care.
 
LMMFAO! [18 Jul 2002|04:21pm]

Oh my GOD. Narcissa and Deceit are hillarous, even if it is just an OOC RP. Wanna see? Go ahead, be my guest.


YOU. FUCKTARD.Collapse )

i don't care.
 
Fuck the bugs. [18 Jul 2002|01:02am]

I've decided I HATE bugs. They're gross little things with millions of legs, and most of them fly. Bugs are nasty.

Changing the subject ... I talked with Stefan today via AIM. I must say our first conversation was new. For the first time in forever I wanted to get off first and he didn't want me to get off ... and it was only because no one else was on. Oh well, I'll get over it.

Changing the subject again ... Sometimes I'm glad I'm no longer on AOL. Sometimes I pity myself for not being on it to witness all the little encounters. All in all, I'm just glad that I still have a way to keep in contact with Jellow, Stefan, Cheri, Dusty, Cam, and periodically Cetta.

Changing the subject once more ... To tell the everyone the truth, I want to kill myself. No, I'm not trying to make this some "I'm depressed, I want to die" kind of journal ... I just want to die and I need to say/type/write it.

Thank you and good night.

care.
 
Who's she? [16 Jul 2002|04:51pm]
I've created a new character just for the hell of it. Jellow and I got to talking about role play and then up came Deceit. Though I had originally planned to only play her in the Harry Potter Era, I changed my mind. "Shy," and full of hate I've stuck her back into the Jame Potter Era to tamper with the whole crew, along with Lucius himself. In the words of others she's, "cynical, eccentric, mean, bitchy, cunning, and deceiving." Be prepared, she might just bite your head off after it stops spinning.

Have a nice day. :)

i don't care.
 
YOU ALL FUCKING SUCK. [10 Jul 2002|04:32pm]

YOU ALL FUCKING SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK. MORONS, ALL OF YOU. I HAVE YET TO UNDERSTAND WHY THE FUCK YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE. WERE YOU ALL FUCKING DROPPED ON YOUR HEADS?! WERE YOU LEFT OUT IN THE SUN TOO LONG?! TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG. IS IT TRULY THAT FUCKING HARD TO COMPREHEND SOMETHING SO SIMPLISTIC AS "I'm going to end this now"?! WHEN THE FUCK ARE YOU IDIOTS GOING TO LEARN?! WHEN THE FUCK ARE YOU FINALLY GOING TO UNDERSTAND THAT GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION AND SPELLING ALL COUNT? NO MATTER IF IT'S ON OR OFF THE INTERNET?! MY FUCKING LORD, I'M SURROUNDED BY ILLITERATE LITTLE FUCKS WHO BELONG BACK IN FUCKING ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

Just to let you people know, that was aimed at the people on the Tom Felton [dot] Com message board. They think they know all, when in reality they can't even spell "beyond."

care.
 
lmmfao. [10 Jul 2002|03:41pm]

hmm, i had quite a fun little roleplay session just a few minutes ago. if you read harry potter, or have read it, and understand draco malfoy a little bit -- you'll find this log to be hillarious.

Face it, Malfoy.Collapse )

i don't care.
 
okay ... [09 Jul 2002|03:28pm]

okay, i normally don't do this, but .. this you have to see. i just took a quiz and ended up with two answers -- very neat ones at that.

<td>Which &apos;fallen one&apos; are you?<td>Which &apos;fallen one&apos; are you?</td>

Take the Which 'Fallen One' are you? Quiz by Xera</font>

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